A Bit of a Downer Post- read at your own discretion

It's not THAT bad... I probably didn't need that heading, but I don't want any readers (if there are any) to think that this blog will just be this constant downer. People don't need that right now... hell, I don't need that right now. I just wanted to keep the back story behind this road trip going, and I wanted people to know why this past year has been difficult for me.

You all know by now that I just finished the Peace Corps, and that it was an amazing and formative experience in my life. You also know that my Grandfather just passed away. I want to tell you more about my Grandfather's life, but first, I want to talk about how this was not the first funeral I attended over the past year (I know it's 2010, so I'm talking more February to February).

I lost (with varying degrees of closeness with the individual) 5 people since last February- 4 under the age of 30. 2009 started with the loss of a dear friend of 2 Peace Corps volunteers. Her name was Fatima and she was the host sister to my friends Kowtar (April) and Malika (Mel). I met her on several occasions and she was a sweet girl with many ambitions outside of her small, and highly secluded village. In this village, there aren't many opportunities for women. Most of the girls stop going to school after elementary school, because the nearest middle school is very far away. She wanted more than to marry someone in the village. She was learning to read. She died in February of a sudden and severe "flu" (for lack of a better label) which in just days turned to pneumonia. When she made it to the hospital several hours away, it was too late. She died at the age of 19.

The next tragedy occurred in May with the death of my 19-year-old cousin. He was suffering from severe depression lasting over a year. He took his own life in his dorm room at college. I'm looking at a photograph of him right now. He was quite the interesting guy, and we didn't agree much politically. I found it quite interesting when we ended up taking that test online to see where we fell in the political spectrum, and ended up with marks right next to each other. He used to love a good fiery debate, but for some reason, he stopped wanting to engage me in political discussion just a few months before he made his final decision. I was a little hurt at the time when he didn't respond to my email, but I realize now that he probably just didn't care anymore. It was a true heartbreak for all of our extended family, and things will never quite be the same for my uncle and aunt. It is my greatest hope that they feel joy again someday.

A few months later, in August of 2009, a few weeks before his 30th birthday, my brother-in-law died in a fatal car wreck. He bought a convertible and loved zipping around in it. After dropping my sister off at Starbucks, he was running back to their house a few blocks away before heading back to pick her up again. He was hit from behind by a large truck, and was thrown from the vehicle. When he didn't return to Starbucks, my sister walked home. She saw the accident and didn't realize it was her husband until later. He died of a broken neck and a heart attack.

This was so heartbreaking for everyone who knew him, and especially for my sister who was planning on trying to start a family that next month. He was her first love, and though things weren't perfect, they were determined to continue to better their relationship. Though I couldn't make it home from Morocco for my cousin's funeral, the Peace Corps worked with me to make it possible for me to see my family for my brother-in-law's. I came home for a month, and felt the devastation of all mine and his family members. I then went back to Morocco.

Things were winding down for me in the Peace Corps. I was preparing to leave, and getting all my business together. I was leaving the next day for Rabat from the small town I called my home for 2 years, when two friends stopped at my house for the going away party I was having. I was pleased to see them, but surprised because I heard they were unable to attend. One of them was severely ill and in tons of pain. They stopped at my house not for the party, but because she couldn't travel far. I was glad to see her and talk to her for awhile. She spent the night in bed. In the morning, she left my house in a taxi and was in so much pain she had to be carried into the car. She was taken to the hospital in Ouarzazate, and I'm not sure what was said, but she didn't spend the night there. She stayed in a local hotel that many in Peace Corps Morocco frequent. In the morning, she was taken to Marrakesh. This was supposed to be on her way to Rabat, but she was taken immediately to the hospital in Marrakesh and shortly after, she fell into a coma. Though for medical privacy reasons we don't know what exactly she died of, she passed away in the hospital in Marrakesh. She was such a strong, opinionated, caring, loving and interesting girl, and it was so difficult and shocking to lose her this way. She was 23 years old.

So that brings me back to losing my Grandfather this month. It's been quite a year. I can take a little solace in the fact that he lived a good, long life. He served in the military, and worked as a dentist until retirement. He and my Grandmother were married for 61 years, and raised a family of 7 children. Still, he's been an ever-present part of my life, and is greatly missed.

That's my story... the tragedy and why exactly it's been such a difficult year. I think this road trip will be healing in some ways. It will give me a chance to come to terms with some of this loss and to reconnect with myself. More to come from Plymouth, IN...